Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Angels

I am so overwhelmed that I hardly know where to begin. 

I think one of the most painful human emotions is loneliness.  Infertility can create some very lonely times.  The time when you are sitting in church listening to a lesson on parenthood.  The time when you are at lunch with your friends trying to smile while they swap pregnancy stories.  The time when you're at a baby shower wondering if your turn will ever come.  The time when you hide out in your home on Mother's Day trying to forget that you don't fit in.  The time when you fall in a heap on the bathroom floor because it didn't work...again.  It's lonely living in a world where many people simply can't understand your pain.  

Then, the reminders that I'm not alone come.  The hand-made card in the mail.  The sweet e-mail from a person I've never even met.  The cheerful phone call.  The thoughtful text.  The unexpected visit or plate of cookies.  The warm hug.  The peaceful feeling in my heart that my Savior knows my pain and has suffered it for me.  

This morning I logged on to my e-mail to find dozens upon dozens of messages, each one containing words of encouragement and hope.  Words simply cannot describe what this means to me.  

Kari, over at Ucreate wrote the sweetest post about Spencer and me.  I am still in awe that she took time out of her busy day to do something so kind for us.  

Thank you, thank you sweet friends.  Thank you for reminding me that I am never alone!  Thank you for caring!  Thank you for your support!  Words truly seem inadequate to describe how much this means to me.  You are amazing, and I am very humbled to be the recipient of your kindness.  You are my angels.   


  1. I have so blessed in my life, being surrounded by those that support me in my efforts in Getting pregnant and staying pregnant. I grateful for people like you that share your feelings and seem to be strong, because it is through people like you that I gain my strength.

  2. YOU are truly an angel to so many of us as well! You have so much empathy and compassion for those who suffer. I am blessed to have you as my friend and to be the recipient of your love and kindness. The Lord has GREAT things in store for your little family.

  3. That was an AWESOME video to watch! What a fabulous way to help people get to know you. I felt of your hope and your love and zest for life. Whitney, you are a gem.

  4. I watched your video on Ucreate and I just had to come over and leave a comment.

    I wanted you to know that tomorrow I get to go to the Court house and watch the adoption of my 3 new grandsons. ~cannot wipe the grin off her face~

    My daughter and her husband cannot have children. 13 months ago they took in 3 foster children. All 3 boys are siblings. They grabbed on to our hearts and have never let go. From the first moment...they were OURS. Tomorrow just makes it official.

    You will both be on my pray list. Wait patiently because that baby is out there. And when you meet him/her you will say *you were TOTALLY worth the wait.

  5. Awww From what I've read and seeing the video I can tell that you deserve it. I've been in yours shoes. It's a long hard road. But, when you get to the end it's totally worth the wait and the troubles. (((Hugs)))

  6. Found you from Kari's post. Y'all will be wonderful parents in God's time! Prayers being uplifted for y'all!

  7. I am so sorry for all you have had to go through. I would love to talk to you about what you have done with fertility, It also took me two years to get pregnant with my first, and have since been able to share information with others that have been able to finally get pregnant using the same method I have used. I want to see if I can help you. Please email me if you are interested at ashleyrussell@bresnan.net

  8. I promise you are never alone in this. I have had every nasty thought, every unkind feeling and every single selfish urge to tell everyone to shut up and stop having kids so easily until my arms aren't so empty.

    If you want to talk, please please please (actually, selfishly, I think you're totally awesome and wonder why we haven't started texting already) contact me. I don't judge, I have heard it ALL, even though most of it I've thought myself. PLEASE!!! I'm GREAT at fielding those feelings.

    ashley . rittman @ gmail . com

  9. I just found your blog and although I do not know your story, I share in your grief to conceive. My husband and I went thru 4 years of infertility, every treatment, every they could think to do including meds, inseminations (8 total), blowing out my tubes...anyways, I did it all. At the urge of my newly founded therapist I went for a second opinion. I headed to IVF and although I wasn't successful at making many eggs (I overheard one woman that morning say that they had retrieved 32 eggs)...and all I had were 7, then 3 eggs a few days later...with one not looking really that good at all. They put those 3 in and we were blessed with a daughter. (I always say it was that not-so good looking egg that brought her to us.)

    I was told I would never conceive again...we were pregnant 9 months later.(Her middle name is Victoria for victory.)

    After that my body was fried from a horrific pregnancy and I will have no further children.

    Throughout my infertility I heard everything. I got horrible things said directly to my face, I had several people who didn't know about my many miscarriages ask me "when I was going to get around to having babies".

    At one point at the end of my rope I enrolled in a program for women dealing with infertility that helped us all...meditation, self care, therapy, buddies, and always a group of women dealing with the same thing, so you were HEARD. That was a great help.

    I wish you all the love in the world in whatever way that brings your family together.

  10. I just found you from Ucreate also and had to come say hello. I completely understand the feelings of loneliness and sadness that comes from infertility. Although my infertility journey was shorter than some and I finally have a miracle 2 week old baby, I know the pain that comes from going through that hard road. Like you, I used my blog and my creativity to keep me going every day. Sending thoughts your way and hoping for the best for you!

  11. I found you through Ucreate too. Hang in there hon. I've walked your road, every step of the way. It's heartbreaking, it's exhausting, it's an emotional roller coaster. I hated to talk about personal stuff before it all happened, but once you go through something like infertility, nothing is too personal to talk about anymore. After trying to conceive for 4 years and somehow living through a failed adoption, we successfully adopted our oldest daughter. Her 4th birthday was Friday. 3 weeks after she was sealed in the temple I got pregnant. My girls are the best thing I ever worked for in my entire life, both of them - each in their own way. My sister has never been blessed with children and works through it in her own way each day. Know that you are not alone. Even when it feels like you've reached your low and you can't go on. You have your husband, you have your family, and you have babies waiting for on the other side. When and how you will get them, I don't know, but I do know that they are all around you, watching and waiting to come to you. If you ever need a listening ear, I'd love to be friends. My email is wilsondev(at)gmail(dot)com. Good luck and know your babies are loving you today and every day until they find their way to your arms.

  12. Whitney, My husband and I went through 5 years of infertility, numerous failed treatments, and after 2 IVS's became pregnant with our now 7 year old daughter. I know the literal pain of empty arms, I know those talks in church, I know the judgement that people assume we were "putting off our family" for worldly pursuits. We had the amazing opportunity to be with friends of ours while their son was sealed to them in the temple and it was one of the most wonderful days in my life. It was so crystal clear that that family had been together forever, and that sealing, and their waiting was just the way it had to be. I wish you the best of luck. I know the lonliness too. I wish you godspeed in your journey. You are going to be a wonderful mother.