From Blah to Voilà

You really can’t have too many white shirts, but this one mostly sat in the back of my closet because it was kind of boring, even for a white shirt.  I think I’ve had it for years.  Anyways, I took this poor little forgotten, neglected, lonely little shirt and gave it…

… ruffles.  Lots and lots of ruffles. 
 

(please pardon the close up of my bosom.  I should have taken a close up of the ruffles on the hanger, not on me… you don’t think I’m a perv, do you ?) 
And now I wear it all the time. 

The end. 

Places to Visit

 

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, 'Child, you must wait'.
'Wait? You say, wait! ' my indignant reply.
'Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, 'You must wait.'
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, 'So, I'm waiting.... for what?'
He seemed, then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save.... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for Thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'WAIT.

I found this poem here.  I LOVE that girl.  I think I read everything on her blog in one sitting.  I love the grace and hope with which she has handled her situation.  I want to be like that. 

And if you want to read a REALLY good article on infertility go here.  I love Sister Kapp.  It is a comfort to me, that she could never have offered such powerful words of hope and strength had she not gone through those trials.  It’s a beautiful reminder that we can use our struggles to bless the lives of others.    

And if you want to read an article on birthmothers from a prospective adoptive mom (me) go here. 

And if you want to go to Europe with me, click here.  (Just kidding, kind of)

Things Aren’t Always What They Seem

I’m sure by now you know my fascination with book projects.  Here’s my latest one:
Book becomes jewelry box.  I suppose you could put whatever the heck you want in there.  But I needed a place to keep my really valuable, really authentic, 100% plastic pearl jewelry.   
I just took an old water-damaged book, and hollowed out the pages with the world’s sharpest knife (which I got for free after listening to a lengthy, live, infomercial-like presentation at Sam’s).  Then, I modge podged the pages together.  I have lots of fun ideas for things to do with all of the pages I hollowed out too.  I’m off to get started. 
Toodleoo… Toodle-ooh… no idea how you spell that.  Why anyone would even want to spell something with “toodle” in it I don’t know. 
Spell check keeps insisting that I’m trying to spell Toledo.  So…
Toledo.

Consistency

I’ve noticed a pattern in my journal writing/blogging.  I am consistent for a while and then life catches up with me and then the next thing I know, it’s been some time and I have all kinds of things to catch up on. 

I can’t count the number of journal entries that begin with, “Sorry it’s been so long…”  usually followed by a promise to be better.  No more apologizing and promising for me.  I’m doing the best I can, and my journal will just have to accept that. 

And as far as blogging goes, I share when I have time, and don’t stress if I don’t because it’s all just for fun anyways. 

I have more book projects to share.  But I haven’t had time to take pictures.  That’s okay.  I’ll be back when life slows down a bit. 

Happy Friday-Eve. 

I Don’t Believe You’ve Met

I didn’t want to show pictures of these until AFTER I had given them away as gifts.  Well, they made their way to their new homes long ago, and I completely forgot to show them off here. 
Better late than never?


I constantly go back and forth on whether or not I should try to sell my creations.  I like making things.  It could be a fun way to earn a little extra money.  But on the other hand, I worry it might just take the fun out of it.  I hate mass producing stuff.   


I think people might buy them… I even sold the necklace right off my neck one time!  I always get compliments on my handmade accessories.  Then again, I don’t know if I really could make a go of it.  There are so many make-it-and-sell it entrepreneurs out there right now.  I don’t want to have to compete.  That really would take the fun out of it for me.  I just want to make what I love because I love it.  I don’t want to have to compare my product to someone else’s and fight to be seen.  Bleh. 

I think for now, I’ll just be content making and wearing, and sometimes gifting my trinkets and what-nots.

Mr. Blake

It is this little fella’s birthday today.  A QUARTER OF A CENTURY YEARS OLD!
I sure do love him.  On long car rides we like to play this game called “You’re the _____ to my _____.”  It’s really exciting, let me tell you, and it goes something like this:
ahem
You’re the hot to my tamale.
You’re the shop to my aholoic.
You’re the oak to my lahoma.
You’re the stink to my pot.
You’re the green to my grass.
You’re the neck to my tarine.
You’re the corn to my cob.
See, I told you it was a really exciting game.  We could play for hours.  Hee hee.  It’s all true.  He really is the cup to my cake.  Happy Birthday Spencer!  

A Post Looks So Naked Without Pictures

Right now I am not happy. 
I am usually a happy person, I promise!  Most days I am cheerful and have a smile on my face.
If I am not happy one of a few things has probably happened:

1. I found out I am not pregnant (usually via that stupid-poopid monthly visitor I love to curse)
2. I found out a friend or family member is pregnant

There are of course other things that can make me unhappy, but I am talking about my infertility happiness.  Much of the time, I am happy in spite of our current situation.  But if situation 1 or 2 arises, I am not a happy infertile that day.  And if 1 and 2 happen on the same day… well… lets just say I wouldn’t want you to witness the blubbering mess I become.  And if we add a situation 3 to the mix (I received a baby magazine in the mail) or a 4 (I saw an ultrasound picture on facebook) it is not a pretty sight.  Often the next day, after I have cried it all out, I can be happy again.
Today, I am dealing with situation 1 and 2.
I am afraid that unfortunately, this blog sometimes sees more of the unhappy side of me than the happy side.  When I am sad, writing helps me sort out my feelings.  I also keep a personal journal, but (as I mentioned in a previous post) I have wanted to share some of my struggles with infertility in hopes that it might help others who are struggling as well.  Because though none of us want to focus on the negative in life, there are not many things more comforting than knowing that someone else understands how you feel. 
These feelings make me feel like such an ugly person.  I don’t like falling apart.  It is embarrassing to lose it once a month.  I hate to admit that someone else’s good news can’t be good news for me too.  It is not that I don’t totally love my pregnant friends and family members!  I do!  I do want them to be happy!  One of my greatest joys is sharing their children.  I love being a part of my nieces and nephews lives.  I wish I lived closer to them and could be a bigger part of their lives.  Our dearest friends have a baby, and I love her more than I can say.  They are so good to let us kiss and cuddle and love her.  The friend who I just learned is pregnant is also very dear to me, and I am really excited for her little family to grow even more. 
In my heart of hearts I am happy for them… just sad for what I am missing.  I tell Spencer all the time, “It’s not that I’m mad at them, they are just so lucky!  I can’t help but feel a little envious.” 
So there you have it.   Infertility makes you feel ugly sometimes.  You feel ugly on the inside for feeling jealous, and you feel ugly on the outside because you can’t make a baby.  You feel unfeminine and broken and somehow less than what you should be.  I may never get to be a cute pregnant girl, and that makes me sad.
Tomorrow is a new day.  I will be happy tomorrow. 

It Was Worth It

There are a few books that I try to read every year.  The ones that teach me something.  One Tattered Angel by Blaine M. Yorgason is one of them.  This is one of my top three favorite books of all time, and that is saying something.  Every time I read it, I am filled with a spirit of gratitude and humility.  Without giving too much away, it is the true story about the family of a baby girl with lots of major health problems.  Here’s a quick excerpt from one of my favorite parts.
 
           “And suddenly I knew, if I could have spoken with my tiny daughter- if I could have talked with her for just five minutes about her seemingly unfair pain and suffering- she would have told me [one thing].  ‘It was worth it!’ she would have said.  ‘It was worth every agonizing moment’.”
 
Life is so hard sometimes.  As I reflect on the challenges I have faced in my short life, I have different feelings towards each struggle.  Some I am grateful for.  Others, I am learning to be grateful for.  But I am certain that the day will come when each of us will look back on our lives and say, “It was worth it!”  Even if we don’t feel that way now, I believe we one day will. 

I have spent a lot of time lately pondering on the challenges of those I love.  It seems like I have many dear friends and beloved family members who are facing very real struggles right now.  Sometimes I just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and shouting, “Why does life have to be so hard!”  I look at my sweet family who has suffered so much this past year and think, “Haven’t they suffered enough? How much longer do we have to trudge on until there’s some kind of relief?” 

I don’t know.  I am not sure how long they will have to wait.  I’m not sure how long I will have to wait.  I do know that everything will be all right in the end.  Even if we all have to wait a really long time.  I know it.

2011 Theme

Every year I try and pick a theme for myself.  I am TOTALLY one of those nerds who sets new years resolutions.  I love a fresh start.  I love a new beginning.  I love a blank canvas.  I love an empty notebook.  I love the endless possibilities of a new year. 
Usually my theme for the year comes quite easily.  Our family has a special Family Home Evening where we set goals for the year and talk about what we want to focus on. 
As I have pondered what I want to focus on in 2011, I have struggled to pin down my specific desires, since I am not in the place I thought I would be.  What do I want for myself in 2011… I’m not entirely sure yet! 
I do know, that through the challenges ahead I want to maintain a positive attitude.  I want to recognize my blessings.  I want to look forward with faith.  I want to look beyond myself and focus on those around me. 
Therefore, my little motto for the year is this: “The best is yet to be.”  It is a saying I have loved for a long time, taken from Robert Browning.  It is something I say to remind myself when going through hard times, that things will get better.  When I am experiencing good times, I am comforted in knowing that there are even better years to come.  No one wants to have enjoyed the best years of their life already!  Then what could we possibly have to look forward to?  The future holds so much joy. 
The best is ALWAYS yet to be. 

Does Anyone Else Do This?

          

Merry Christmas

How the heck did it slip past so quickly?  There were so many Christmas-y things that I didn’t get to do yet.  I had more Christmas stories to share, and more Christmas treats to give. 
There wasn’t a lot of time to spend with family this Christmas.  Our trip was quite short.  As a consequence, I didn’t take as many pictures, nor did I spend any time on the computer.  So my little blog has been neglected of late.  But, our time spent together was wonderful.  Every time I get to see my family, my heart whispers, “treasure these moments.”  Time together is just so precious.  The older I get, the more precious it grows.
I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a slump today.  It always takes me a bit of time to get back into the swing of things.  I miss my family the most after I have to leave them.
In the meantime, I am grateful for the Christmas season when the world pauses to remember the birth of our Savior.  I am thankful that because of his sacrifice, we can be with the ones we love forever.  That is what makes leaving my family a little easier, knowing that even when we are far apart, our bond is eternal. 
So though it’s a little late, I just wanted to say, “Merry Christmas.”  I hope your Christmas was a special as mine was. 
  

Thank You!

I hardly know where to begin.  Thank you, thank you, thank you sweet people for your kind comments/e-mails.  I opened my e-mail this morning to discover so many sweet letters of encouragement and support regarding our adoption process.  Some from precious friends and family members.  Some from people I haven’t even met!  Your kind words could not have come at a better time.  I spent the better part of the morning in tears.  But don’t worry, they were the good kind. 
I hope to take the time to thank each one of you individually, but I had to express a general thank you to each of you in the meantime so you will know how much your messages were appreciated.  Though the words “thank you” don’t seem adequate enough to express my gratitude, I hope you know how sincerely I feel. 
I wanted to particularly thank my dear friend Katie for writing  such a sweet article about Spencer and me.  You can read it here.  I feel very humbled and grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life.  Wow. 
In regards to the question, “How do I post your button on my blog?” I present these simple instructions. 
How to add our button to your blog:
1. Copy the HTML code directly under our button. 
2. Open your blog.  Click on “Design.”
3. Click on “Add a Gadget.”
4. Click on “HTML/JavaScript”
5. Paste the code into the space provided (You don’t really need to post a title, but if you want to, then feel free). 
TA-DA, that’s it!  Easy peasy right? 
Here’s hoping that each of you have a WONDERFUL Christmas. 




And at the risk of sounding redundant… Thank you again! 

Did You Know?

… that we have an adoption blog?
Well, we do! 

We are excited to be in the beginning stages of the adoption process. 

We know that there is a very long road ahead, but we are so grateful to get to share the adventure together.   

We do make a pretty good team! 
 
Feel free to stop by.   www.spencerandwhitneyadoption.blogspot.com
Oh, and PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE add our adoption button to your blog!  It would mean a lot to us! 
Thank you!

And The Winner Is…

Thanks so much for sharing all of your stories with me.  There are so many wonderful people in this world, and so much good that goes on.  I love to see people recognizing the good things and people around them. 

I was really touched as I read your comments.  As I read about the wonderful ladies in your life I was reminded of all the lovely ladies in mine.  I really do wish I could give EACH of these deserving women a gift.  I don’t have the resources to do that at this time, but I did decide to do “Giveaway Giveaway’s” more often.  I think I’ll try to do one once a month.  So if you didn’t win this time, be sure to stop back again.

So… I using a random number generator, I selected a winner, and the winner is:  

COMMENT NUMBER  11  KATIE! 

Katie said...   I would give this to my sister, Jen.  She is my only sister, my big sister and a big role model to me. I've ALWAYS wanted to be just like her and even at 24 I can say I still do. She is always giving, giving giving, & puts everyone else first and deserves to get something that is just for her. She has FOUR boys that she takes care of every day and she never complains about how challenging they are (even though I know from babysitting they are!) With all those boys, she needs more girly things in her life and I know she would love this necklace!

Thanks so much Katie, send your e-mail address to whitneywblake@gmail.com, and we’ll figure out where to send Jen her gift. 

Thanks again to everyone who participated! 

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String

Do you know what the five love languages are?  I really won’t go into all of them, but the theory is that people like to show and receive love in different ways.  For example, I might really like to receive love by just hearing the words “I love you,” but I might like to show love by writing little love notes.  The point is, we all have different ways of expressing how much we care about each other. 
My family is big on expressing love through gifts.  Not in a materialistic  superficial way, we just get really into  selecting presents the others will love.  When we were little, and the time came to visit our grandparents,  my sisters and I  would spend weeks before hand making them drawings and knick knacks to give to them upon our arrival.  Our little tokens were obviously of no monetary value, they just showed Grandma and Grandpa how much they meant to us.  We STILL make many of our own Christmas presents to give away.     
We spend a lot of time thinking about what to give each other for birthdays, and other gift-giving holidays (i.e. Christmas, mothers & fathers day, etc…) because a generic gift doesn’t say, “I love you” like a thoughtful gift does.  We love wrapping the presents and sneakily hiding them somewhere in the house.  We love surprises more than most people, I think.  It’s not about how much money was spent, just how much thought and care went into the gift.  I’m sure we’re not the only ones who feel this way, we ALL want to share meaningful gifts don’t we?
I found this story that shared a really great idea for meaningful gift giving.  Perhaps it can become a new tradition in our house. 
Here it is:
It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years or so.
It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas---oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it-overspending...the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.
Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.
Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church, mostly black.
These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes.
As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears.
It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.
Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them."
Mike loved kids-all kids-and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came.
That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church.
On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me.
His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years.
For each Christmas, I followed the tradition---one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.
The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal it's contents.
As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there.
You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more. Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad.
The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed anticipation watching as their fathers take down the envelope. Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be with us.
May we all remember each other, and the Real reason for the season, and His true spirit this year and always. God bless---pass this along to your friends and loved ones.
--- Copyright © 1982 Nancy W. Gavin
--- Submitted by Edwin G. Whiting
The story first appeared in Woman's Day magazine in 1982. My mom had sent the story in as a contest entry in which she subsequently won first place. Unfortunately, she passed away from cancer two years after the story was published. Our family still keeps the tradition started by her and my father and we have passed it on to our children. Feel free to use the story. It gives me and my sisters great joy to know that it lives on and has hopefully inspired others to reach out in a way that truly honors the spirit of Christmas. --- Kevin Gavin

The Great Photo Swap

Remember how I did a photo swap with my cute friend?  I never shared the photos she took of us, which is a shame because she did a really good job!

 

Can I tell you how happy I was to play with the horses.  They are BABIES!!!!!  Oh man, I love animals way too much.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that my dad is a veterinarian.  You can see by the look on my face that I was one happy gal.



See? BABIES!!!!!
Spencer says: “Those aren’t babies, they are adults.”
I say: “They are so cute and fuzzy… they are BABIES!” 
Then I tried to sneak one home with me. 



Here we are… smooching again. 

  

I just can’t help it, look at his little face! 





This random stray dog was following us around everywhere.  I called him over and he ran up to me like we were long lost friends.  You guessed it, he’s a BABY!  He kept hopping into my arms for our family picture.  Poor Lizzy will think that we were cheating on her when she sees this.



See, I told you my friend did a good job!  It was awesome to have someone take our picture together for once, because usually it is just one or the other of us taking a photo of one or the other of us.  Or we have to set the self timer and run like crazy, and get lots of strange looks from passers-by.  Thanks so much Leah!

Oh it is Love

You know what?  Last year I remember thinking, “this will probably be our last Christmas without a baby.”  We had already been trying for quite some time, and Christmas 2010 seemed so far away.  Twelve whole months of possibilities.  Maybe our baby wouldn’t be born yet, but surely he or she would be well on the way. 
Time flies.  Twelve months of testing, poking, prodding, wishing, waiting, hoping, wanting… still no baby.  Still no SIGN of baby. 
Christmas is when I miss our baby the most.  I felt a little bit sad writing our Christmas letter.  Our family picture looks like an engagement picture. We are young and in love… and don’t have any children.  Any news our family might have is overshadowed by pregnancies and births.  It isn’t really fun to feel stuck and left behind. 
Luckily, I have the very best husband in the world.  I say it all the time, but it’s true dang it!  I am SO SO SO grateful for our family, as little as it is. 
Yesterday, we were sitting in the office, and Spencer signed on to his facebook account to retrieve some addresses for Christmas cards.  As I was writing the addresses down, Spencer foolishly left to get himself a snack… leaving his beloved facebook page to my devices. 
I had just enough time to change his facebook picture to a picture of my mom and to sign out of his account. 
Spencer realized his folly too late, and came rushing into the office hollering, “I made a stupid mistake!”
He had to pry me away from the keyboard to log back in to his account and assess the damage.  He did change his picture, but not before one of our friends had commented that he sure looks a lot like his mother-in-law.
This wasn’t the first time this happened.  We jump at the opportunity to change the other person’s profile picture/status if given the chance.  We just love to laugh and tease and have fun.  I love that Spencer is my best friend. 

Even if we have to wait ten more years (but sheesh, I REALLY hope not!) to find our baby, I’m glad I get to wait with my sweetheart. 
P.S. (Why I'm P.S.ing a blog post I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say…) We have been having lots of fun making comic strips lately, like the up top.  I’ll have to share more sometime.  They make me giggle.

Project: Pillow

I love throw pillows.  I love sitting with a pillow in my lap.  I love creating pillows because they’re easy to make and add so much personality to a dull piece of furniture. 

I thought about making another more “wintery” set, but haven’t done it yet.  I am not in the mood to work on Christmas-y projects when it’s not Christmas, and somehow never seem to find the time when the holidays actually arrive. 

I’m particularly proud of that rose pillow.  You see, a while ago I saw a pillow that looked like this:

(found at Elle Apparel)
And I really wanted to have one kind of like it.  I made up my own little pattern, and it actually worked by golly.   I was pretty pleased with the little ruffled one too. 

Kind of ionic that I am only now getting around to putting these pics up, since I have recently switched out my usual décor for holiday stuff.  But here it is anyways.